In His Eyes
by Enigma O
Summary: My first fanfiction. A short but sad fiction about Rei set near the end of the seris


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Warning! Warning!:1 These characters do not belong to me. Uh-uh, no way, not one bit. They belong to Gainax the Great, ADVision the Awesome and Sadamoto the Super. **Warning! Warning!:2 **(again) This is my first fanfic, so don't say I didn't warn you. **Warning! Warning!:3 **(yes, another one) This fic contains spoilers, lots of the little devils. **Warning! Warning!:4 **(don't worry, this is the last one) I can't say for certain that all the details in this fic are correct as I have yet to see some episodes (I have seen 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,13,14,19,20,21,22,23,24). Warning! Warning!:5 (ha-ha I lied) this fic is **very **depressing (or at least it's supposed to be).

Well, lets get on with the story.**:-)**

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In His Eyes

The room is dark and dirty. Outside the steady clanging of machinery rebuilding, in side the buzz of the broken air conditioner. It would be enough to give most people a headache. But the inhabitant of the room doesn't notice, mind or care. She has a bigger problem on her mind.

The glasses are broken and distorted. But she keeps them, she doesn't know why, she used to, but now she can't remember. They make her cry, they make her feel. Respect, Devotion, Pain, Sadness. Why pain and sadness? Those are new, she didn't feel them.........before. 

Her mind drifts to a face. A face that made her smile. Shinji. He said she destroyed Unit 00 to save him. He didn't know, did not know what she was. She had destroyed herself to save him. Why? Did she. NO, had she? Had she.......**_cared_** for him? Did she still?

"Do I c-care for Shinji? How can I tell when I don't even know if I am the one who did. If I am the same soul."

She looks at the glasses. Gendo Ikari. Shinji's father. He had hurt Shinji so many tines, and let him be hurt so many more. Shinji hated Gendo. She picked up the glasses. She had respected Gendo. But he had hurt Shinji. Hurt the one she called friend, or maybe more. She hated Gendo. Memories of passed events filled her head. Gendo acting as if he cared, saving her from a crazed Unit 00. At the time she had thought he cared for **her, **Rei. But his eyes had seen Yui.

Her mind cleared once more. Crushing the glasses in her hands, she threw them at the wall. They hit with surprising force and loud **_Skrack. _**Shattering and falling to the floor in pieces.

She looked at her hands the glasses had cut her as she had crushed them. New blood, old wounds. Gendo's revenge.

"So." She said, talking to herself. "Have you hurt me again? Or have I just let you? I trusted you, and you lied to me. So now I must find them for myself. And I must ask them of myself, face to face."

Standing she picked up her security card from the table, and left.

She knew they were following her. Security was always following her. But she knew Gendo's office. She knew it's secrets. She knew how to disable the video cameras from there. **And** she knew Gendo was away. The security guards did not. So in she went. They did not follow. She put the video cameras in her way on Gendo's specially prepared video loops. They did not notice. She climbed into the air vents, and went on her way. They did not follow.

Thinking back to a childhood, of sorts, spent exploring every nook and cranny of NERV. She set off. She knew every passage, and every ventilation shaft, better than even Gendo. 

In the locker room the vent grill slid slowly and quietly aside. Seeing no one was there Rei slipped quietly into the room. Quickly she changed into her plugsuit and hid her clothes in a spare locker. Now, if any one saw her they would think she was off for a syncro test. She quickly climbed into the vent, replacing the grill behind her.

In the hall she replaced the grill and dusted herself down. Checking up and down the corridor she hurried on her way. She did not want to be found here. Even in her plugsuit, in would involve awkward questions. And possibly an insistence that she was shown the way to the testing bay.

She remembered the last time that had happened. She had finally found her way when, stopping to make sure she was where she thought she was, she had stumbled onto Dr Naoko Akagi. 

Leaning Against the wall for support, Rei gasped and fell to the floor as the memories flooded her mind. Using the nicknames Gendo often spoke, she had tried to become closer to Dr Naoko. For Gendo liked her, didn't he? so she had wanted to be her friend too. On the TV shows she had watched, friends called each other by nicknames.

But Naoko's reaction. Why? Hadn't she wanted to be her friend? Or? was it? Jealousy! The name Naoko had whispered in her hate driven rage. The name she had cursed. The name she had tried to destroy. The **person **she had seen in Rei, in her. 

Yui.

Then darkness.

Gendo was standing over her. concerned. And relieved when she had responded to his nervous words. She had decided at that moment. He was the only one who would, who could, love her. But now, looking back she could see the truth. Yui was the one who had been hurt. Not Rei.

Rei was shocked back from the dream, or the nightmare. Hurriedly looking around, she checked to see if anyone had witnessed her collapse in to unconsciousness. No one was about. Breaking in to a run, she tore down the remaining corridors. More desperate than she could remember in all her lives to find the truth. Before long she was at the entrance to one of the most secure places on Earth. The heart of the Geo-front.

She passed her security card through the slot. And after a moments hesitation, as if deciding weather a 14 year old girl was worthy to even set foot inside a place such as this, let alone have free access, the security doors slid open.

It was dark, familiar, friendly. She remembered this place, she was born here. More recently that the 14 years stated on what official records she had. 

In the centre, a strange chamber dominated the room. Cautiously stepping up to it, she placed her hands on it's surface. It was cold and lifeless. Yet, once, it had given her life. Was this her mother? It had made her body. It had given her breath. But, if what had given her life was cold and lifeless, was she also?

**"No!" **

Her hand flew to her chest, as she hunched in the furthest corner from the 'mother'. No. She could feel her heart beat, feel the breath enter and leave her, feel the warmth of her body. _No, I am warm, I have life._ Unable to stand the room and the loneliness within it's walls, she stumbled to the door. Catching her breath outside, she moved on. Down the winding, silent corridors and to a final room.

The door slid open and she stepped inside.

"I am here." Her voice rung out in the scilence. They turned to look at her, and she remembered. Remembering how happy, how contented she had been as one of them. Remembered the warmth of the LCL. Remembered being one of many. Now, once more with them, her mind reached out. Once more a part of them. She saw herself, through many eyes, standing alone. So alone. She felt them reach out to her, calling her to join them again.

How long was she there? She did not know. Seconds? Minutes? Hours? She did not know. But for that time she was once more whole. The warm LCL became her world, and she was content.

**Footsteps!** Nearby. Someone was coming! She climbed out of the tank, leaving made her heart ache. She wanted so badly to stay, to find her answers. She was still unsure of her nature! Of her soul! Who had come to disturb her? She hid in the darkness at the corners of the room and watched, promising to herself that she would return.

They entered the room. Ritsuko, Misato and.......**Shinji!!** No! She did not want him to see! Did not want him to be hurt! But she could only watch as the truth was thrown at him, watched as Naoko's daughter told him truths of existence he did not need to know. They had hurt her when Gendo had forced them upon her, and now they hurt Shinji. Ritsuko, just like her mother. She focused her gaze on the woman. Wishing it were as lethal as the gun in Misato's hand. Ritsuko's hand moved over a control panel. What was she going to hurt Shinji with now. Ritsko pressed the key on the pad......

Oh! **NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!.... **They were dying, **she** was dying. Again and again. She felt her soul slip away, only to return to her. She felt her body disintegrate, only to be whole again. She was dying. She was alive again. As the waves of pain began to subside, she realised that she now had her truth. _We are all one, one mind, one soul! I am the same as before! Shinji, I am sorry. Please, don't hate me. For I ........I love you._ She felt her body sag from exhaustion and fall to the floor. She felt her eyes cry, tears fell around her. She felt her voice sob, adding to those of her fallen sisters.

They were gone. She was alone. She was lonely. Suddenly he was there, Gendo, Standing over her.

"You did not need to see that, to feel that" He was talking. Kindly or harshly, it did not matter. Yui, was in his eyes.

Well, that was the fic! Please review it and let me know what you thought. Any tips will be welcome. I hope it wasn't too depressing (or bad!) as I wouldn't want to be responsible for any mass suicides or huge counselling bills! :(

**Warning! Warning!:6 **(sorry, I couldn'tresist)** ;b**


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